I have completely run out of time again. How does this happen? It seems like only yesterday I filed my last column, right up against deadline (which is so typical for me, just ask Doni. No, ask Joe Domke. He's 9 hours ahead of me on Prague time, and ends up getting my column when he wakes up Friday mornings, about 5 minutes after I've finally fallen asleep). And now, all of a sudden, here I am again, right up against deadline.
How does time pass so quickly that I find myself completely blindsided again and again every two weeks? You know, maybe there's something to this whole theory of relativity thing after all. And then again, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm big enough to admit that. But hear me out.
Back when I was in college, I took a science class. It was labeled something like "Astronomy 101", so it sounded very cool. Like we'd be looking through telescopes and learning about planets. Turns out, it was actually Physics 101 disguised with an enticing name. Because Physics is kind of daunting and intimidating, even if it was a beginners class. Remember, I'm the gal who flunked Algebra numerous times before the teacher finally pretended I'd earned a passing grade.
I honestly don't remember anything from that class. Well, I remember two things. The first was some advice from my professor, when I tried to drop out after it became really obvious to me that I was not getting anything he was laying down. He said, "I won't let you drop out, not yet. I think you're doing better than you realize. What I think you should do is date that young man sitting over there. He's the one that keeps ruining the curve." It was good advice. We dated for a few weeks, I distracted him enough to bring his grade down at least a notch, I'm pretty sure.
And then there was this one other thing that sunk in from the class. One itsy bitsy teeny tiny little theory, that I may or may not have gotten completely screwed up. It was that thing Einstein came up with. That whole relativity thing. I just remember sitting there one day and suddenly it dawned on me that time really is relative.
Suddenly, as I sat there starting at the clock waiting for class to get over, I remembered what it was like when I was 5, waiting for that horrible hour. That FOR-EVVVVVVVVV-ER hour on Saturday nights. My parents had a black and white tv with 2 channels, and on Saturday nights one channel had Hee-Haw, the other had Lawrence Welk. I wanted to watch something, anything on our brand new first ever TV so badly, but even then at that early age, I had scruples. I had limits. I couldn't bear to watch either of these awful shows that even then seemed to be an insult to my 5 year old brain. But it was absolute h-e-double hockeysticks waiting until they were over so that I could watch Emergency! with that hunk Randolph Mantooth. It was an hour of pure torture that lasted an eternity. A whole hour.
|Actual photo of Albert Einstein|
Well, I tell you, time is relative. Just like Einstein said. He did say that, right? I don't have enough time to actually look it up right now, but I'm pretty sure he did. So here's my thoughts on Einstein's theory of relativity:
I realized that for a 2 week old infant, that 2 weeks is its whole life. 1/1 of its existence. Forever. When I was a 21 year old college student, 2 weeks was 1/546 of my life so far. A much smaller amount of time, relatively. But now that I'm 46? 2 weeks is 1/1196th of my life. Such a teensy, tiny, little bit of time. No wonder. When a 2 week old infant, a 21 year old college student, and a 46 year old procrastinator watch the same lousy 30 second TV commercial, it plays exactly as long in real time for each of us, but how long that commercial seems to be is relative to how long each of us has been sucking air on this planet. Does that make sense? Or am I as crazy as my family keeps telling me? Or should I give up my day job and start teaching high school physics right away?
|Not an actual photo of Albert Einstein. |
But aren't you impressed by the likeness?
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- Time - Pink Floyd
- All This Time - One Republic
- You Waste Time Like A Grandfather Clock - The Myriad
- Time Is On My Side - The Rolling Stones
- Time of the Season - The Zombies
- Wasting Time - Jack JOhnson
- Time & Truth - Cas Haley
- Time Tough - Toots & The Maytals
- Time of Your Song (Matisyahu
- Time's A Wasting - Erykah Badu
- Funny How Time Slips Away - Willie Nelson
- Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper
- The Longest Time - Billy Joel
- Closing Time - Semi Sonic
- Time of Your Life - Green Day
- Time Stands Still - The All-American Rejects
- Time Is Running Out - Muse
- Time Flies - Porcupine Tree
- One More Time - Daft Punk
- If I Could Turn Back Time - Cher
- Time Has Told Me - Nick Drake
- Five Years Time - Noah & The Whale
- Time & Space - Groove Armada
- This Is The Last Time - Keane
- Time Has Come Today - The Chambers Brothers
- Times Like These - Foo Fighters
- No Time - The Monkees
- Time Won't Let Me - The Outsiders
- Not Enough Time - INXS
- Time Is Tight - Booker T. & The MG's
- No Time - Guess Who
- Time - Tesla
- Time To Move On - Tom Petty
- Run Out Of Time - Genesis
- Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking - Snow Patrol
- Time In A Bottle - Jim Croce
- No Time To Think - Bob Dylan
- Time Is Ticking Out - The Cranberries
- Too Much Time On My Hands - Styx
- Time Warp - Rocky Horror Picture Show Soundtrack