Thursday, May 23, 2013

The Goodbye Girl



Today we're going to travel back in time to January 1981. The night before my family moved away to a new town. The night I sat in my bedroom, packing the rest of my teenage belongings into boxes for the move from Eugene to Ashland, listening to the radio on my dad's FM tuner/cassette recorder, and that song came on.

You know, that song. The song that was singing about my life. The song that seemed to have been written just for me and my situation. The song that today, 33 years later, still sings perfectly to the path my life has taken in a way you can't even imagine until you know the whole story. So I'll tell it to you.

This is the story of the song that I'm going to walk down the aisle to when I marry my junior high school sweetheart.

Eddie and I started dating in November of 1980 as 9th graders at Jefferson Junior High. He flirted with me during gym class, then asked me to a school dance. After that, we were an item; we were 'going together.' We were inseparable. People called us the siamese twins because we were always stuck together (usually by the lips). We connected. I documented our relationship in my diary, a little yellow hardcover book with pink and white daisies and a flimsy lock. On November 25th, I wrote, "I think I love him."

Right around Christmas time, my parents announced that we were moving. My mom had landed a new job at a public radio station 178 miles away, in Ashland (the same station I work at today, coincidentally). We would leave in the middle of January. I started to freak out. I most definitely did not want to be separated from Eddie. On December 29th, I wrote, "I wish I could pack Eddie up in a box and take him with me."But that wasn't how he saw it. Back then. Back when he was the pragmatic one, and I was the hopeless romantic. He knew it wasn't realistic to believe we could live 3 hours away from each other and still maintain a relationship. And we were just teenagers, after all.

Here, for your reading pleasure, is a paragraph ripped directly from my 9th grade diary: "One day Eddie and I were walking to his house, and I asked him what was gonna happen when I moved? And he acted like - Boy are you dumb! - He said that we would break up.... what I wish would happen is that I go to Ashland and that we still see each other. I wish he understood that I don't want to break up when I leave." I thought maybe there was some way that we could still be together, and keep the fire burning from across the long distance.

So that night, that last night in Eugene, I was sitting there, packing my curling iron and makeup, listening to KSND "Stereo 93", when that song came on the radio. It was The Goodbye Girl, by David Gates.

All your life you've waited for love to come and stay
And now that I have found you, you must not slip away
I know it's hard believing the words you've heard before
But darling you must trust them just once more
Because Baby Goodbye doesn't mean forever
Let me tell you goodbye doesn't mean we'll never be together again
If you wake up and I'm not there I won't be long away
Cause the things you do, my Goodbye Girl, will bring me back to you.

I really felt that if I could just share this song with Eddie, he'd understand that there was still hope for us. That maybe, somehow, we could live far apart, almost never see each other, and still stay together. So I pushed the Record button on the cassette player, and taped the song. I wrote in my diary that I was planning to give the cassette tape to him as a goodbye gift.

Right now, Eddie's feeling a little a lot like I just threw him under the bus. That's because these days he's the hopeless romantic, and I'm the pragmatic one. And in the end, I moved away, and moved on in pretty short order. I did try to look Eddie up once, when I visited Eugene once later that year, and found that he had moved away too. And then, within pretty short order, I had another boyfriend that was my steady throughout the rest of high school.

Somewhere down the line, Eddie became a hopeless romantic. And then 27 years later, just at the right time, he started thinking about me again. He'd kept a photo of me that he'd taken way back when we were teenagers, on the front page of a photo album that he kept with him of his most precious memories. On the front page. He started to wonder what had happened to that girl who'd said goodbye, and finally (when someone shoved an Ashland phonebook into his hand), he called the only Ing in the book. My parents.
The photo of me from the front page of Eddie's photo album

That's how, five years ago, exactly when I needed him, Eddie came back into my life. My parents called me and said some guy claiming to be my junior high school boyfriend wanted to get in touch with me. So I invited him down to Redding, and met him in front of the Cascade Theatre. The first thing he did was tell me to take off my sunglasses. "There's the girl I remember," he said.

He stopped off at his car before we headed into the restaurant for dinner, and pulled out that ancient photo album, which he handed to me at the table. I was shocked to see the photo of me at 15, sitting on the deck of my parent's house. That was when I knew he had kept me close to his heart all those years.
I had a surprise for him as well. I pulled out my old yellow diary with the pink and white daisies. When he saw "Valerie -n- Eddie" written on the inside cover, he decided to go for broke.

So for us, goodbye didn't mean forever. Just like the song, which I had completely forgotten about. I didn't remember how I'd sat in my bedroom on my last night before moving away, recording that tune for him thinking that maybe there was a way for teenage love to be sustained across time and distance. Not until a few years ago, when Eddie and I were sitting in an otherwise empty dining hall at a remote lodge in Agness, Oregon on the lower Rogue River. We were eating breakfast, and the kitchen staff was listening to Oldies, which wafted out into the dining room. The Goodbye Girl came on, and within a few moments, my eyes got really big. Then the tears came, and then Eddie said, "What's wrong, baby?" I couldn't even speak until the song was half over. Then, with tears streaming down my face, I told him about that night, and that song, and what it meant to me, and how more than 30 years later, although we'd said goodbye, we had found each other and rekindled our relationship again. And now we were living that song, and finding a way to successfully maintain a relationship that was keeping the fire burning even though we lived 5 hours apart.

Well, that's the story of the song I'll be walking down the aisle to at my wedding. How could I walk to anything else? It means everything to me. To us. It truly is the story of our entire relationship, from its beginning in the fall of 1980, to present day, 33 years later as we get married while still living in separate states. That song kicks off today's playlist with the greatest Goodbye and Hello songs of all time.

I'd love to hear the story of the song you walked to at your wedding in the comments section below as you listen to today's playlist.

Goodbye/Hello by Valerie Ing-Miller on Grooveshark

  1. Goodbye Girl - Bread/David Gates
  2. Hello My Old Heart - The Oh Hello's
  3. Goodbye Stranger - Supertramp
  4. Hello, I Love You - The DOors
  5. She Said Goodbye - Maroon 5
  6. Hello Seattle - Owl City
  7. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Elton John
  8. Hello - Lionel Ritchie
  9. Goodbye Girl - The Civil Wars
  10. Goodbye Sadness - Astrud Gilberto
  11. Hello - Oasis
  12. Never Can Say Goodbye - Jackson 5
  13. Hello Goodbye - The Beatles (but in this case, due to forces beyond my control, it's the Jonas Bros. Don't judge!)
  14. Hello - Martin Solveig featuring Dragonette
  15. Goodbye - Miley Cyrus
  16. Hello - Maroon 5
  17. Sweetest Goodbye - Maroon 5
  18. Hello - The Cat Empire
  19. Goodbye Babylon - The Black Keys
  20. Hello Bonjour - Michael Franti & Spearhead
  21. Goodbye Earl - Dixie Chicks
  22. Hello Darlin' - Conway Twitty
  23. Goodbye Little Darlin' - Johnny Cash
  24. Hello Little Girl Goodbye - Chuck Berry
  25. Say Goodbye - Dave Matthews Band
  26. Say Hello, Wave Goodbye - David Gray
  27. So Long, Goodbye - 10 Years

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Mother's Day

A few weeks ago my little sister happened to bump into the son of my lifelong best friend from high school on a street in Portland. A little out of the ordinary, but not totally unheard of in the big city.
But some chit chat, on an occasion like this, is kind of obligatory. Which can be hard to make with a 15 year old boy.
My sister said, "Hey, isn't your mom's birthday, like, tomorrow?" (It was. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TONI!!!!!!! We were BFF's before that was a word and I love you! Here we are, walking along the moors, tra-la-la-la-la! Only you will get that. )
Anyway, Her son, Halin, just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I don't know. I don't keep up on that stuff."
My sister was a little stunned at first, that Halin wouldn't know when his own mother's birthday was.
Our mother's birthday is something we just wouldn't forget. Wouldn't be allowed to forget. Mom's 39th birthday just doesn't go by again (and again and again and again) without commemorating it in this family in some sort of spectacular way. It's just not done.
Then Halin showed how smart he really is by saying, "But I know what's important to my mom. I know when Mother's Day is."
The kid's got a point. And I know he's right. I've known his mother since 1981, and she would much rather he forget the fact that she's another year older, and instead make a huge freaking deal about how amazing she is for giving him the gift of life 15 years ago, and how she's helped shape the human he has become.
After more than 40 years on this planet...well, even after 30 years on this planet, my own birthday sort of stopped being special, and I don't really care about making a big deal out of it (except for the last one, which happened to fall on 12-12-12. I felt compelled to celebrate that one in grand style just for the novelty of it all, and I'm glad I did).
What's far more important is celebrating the day that I gave someone else a birthday...the birth of my own child. The day I became a mother.
And you know, not a year goes by that my mother doesn't call me on my birthday, so that I can congratulate her for giving birth to me! And I gotta give it up to the lady, of course, because obviously she went through a lot. Not just carrying all 8 pounds of me to term and delivering me, but putting up with my rebellious spirit and hormone riddled personality for 18 years. Well, make that 46.5 years.

Being a mother really is the most important thing I've ever undertaken in my entire life, and thankfully I think I've done a pretty bang-up job at motherhood, judging from the kid I've ended up with and how skookum our relationship is so far.

Notice my disclaimer far. She's only 15 1/2. I'm well enough aware that things could change in a New York minute. People have been warning telling me that since the day after I gave birth to a girl.

But for now, and fortunately for the past 15 years, I've really enjoyed motherhood. I've enjoyed it so much, that Mother's Day isn't really a big deal for me, because my child tells me she loves me every single day.
This weekend, my presence at the foot of my mother will be required, and I will buy her flowers, I will shower her with jewelry, I will thank her for giving birth to me. And my daughter will be close by, but for us it'll be just another awesome day of getting along like two peas in a pod. And for that I'm so thankful!

In honor of this weekend's special day just for moms, please enjoy today's playlist of mom songs....some of which my daughter actually helped pick out. It was a bit more difficult than you might think though....going through all the completely inappropriate "I want to do your mom" songs (although I still included a few that are near & dear, like "Stacys Mom"), and I tossed all of the hateful mom songs...only good stuff in today's playlist.

I hope you get to spend some time with your mom today, thank her for raising you to be the awesome person I know you are, and enjoy the tunes!

  Mother's Day by Valerie Ing-Miller on Grooveshark
  1. Mother - Cocoon 
  2. Mama Told Me Not To Come - 3 Dog Night 
  3. Mother & Child Reunion - Paul Simon 
  4. Does Your Mother Know - Abba 
  5. Mommy Is Hot - Lou Bega 
  6. Mother We Just Can't Get Enough - The New Radicals 
  7. Mother Freedom - Bread 
  8. Mother Mother - The Veronicas 
  9. Mother's Little Helper - The Rolling Stones 
  10. Mother - Pink Floyd 
  11. Mommy - Selah Sue
  12. Mother - Yann Tierson 
  13. Mother's Eyes - Joe Sample 
  14. Mommy Daddy You & I - Talking Heads 
  15. Mama - Genesis 
  16. Mom & Dad's Waltz - Willie Nelson
  17. Mama Tried - Merle Haggard 
  18. Mama's Song - Carrie Underwood 
  19. The Best Day - Taylor Swift This is one that my daughter suggested for today's playlist, and of course I obliged her. It's about a teenage girl having an awesome day with her mom.
  20. Turn To You (Mother's Day Dedication) - Justin Bieber 
  21. I Love You Mom - Tyler Bates
  22. Mother's Day Waltz - String Cheese Incident 
  23. I Want A Mom That Will Last Forever - Cyndi Lauper
  24. Hey Beautiful - The Solids This songs makes so much more sense when you know that it's the theme song to How I Met Your Mother!
  25. Stacy's Mom - Fountains of Wayne
  26. Volvo Driving Soccer Mom - Everclear
  27. My Mom - Gabriel Iglesias  A short comedy break before things get slightly ridiculous
  28. Meet My Mom - New Boyz
  29. You Can Finally Meet My Mom - Train
  30. I Took My Mom To The Prom - The Ziggens This one's for my friend Dave. Who did not, for the record, take his mom to the prom. As far as I know.
  31. I Like Your Mom - The Bouncing Souls